Assume nothing and release
Ever since the earthquake in 2017, I don’t pull the keys out my pocket until I’m literally at the door.
There’s nothing like emergencies to bring us back home
To the present moment
To what’s really important
To the tenuousness of life
Most of all, though, crises make me take nothing for granted.
Not taking things for granted naturally implies appreciation for what is:
Our lives, our health, our homes, our families and friends. Money, freedom, abilities, support and meaningful lifework if we’re so fortunate.
But when I think about not taking things for granted, I mean not assuming or expecting anything to remain the same.
Realizing that who I think I am, the me that in normal and stable times I easily proclaim, “I’m Robin. I’m a writer and teacher. I have this life and I do these things…”
That can change in the blink of an eye, or the beat of a heart.
Being so attached to who I think I am and what and how life is as to believe it’s real and solid –well, nature and Life can show us differently any time.
When earthquakes or sudden illness and death of loved ones shake our world, it is a sobering opportunity to come to reality
Which leads us to our greatest fears:
We are not permanent. There will be a moment when we are no longer here living in these bodies, having our lives, our relationships, our joys and sorrows. We will not always have this. It will change. It will end.
What we think we are or what we think is going on – may be nothing but illusion and dream. Who we are, our lives, stories and physicality – what is this, really? If I am not solid and forever as I sometimes feel and like to believe, then what is real?What can I count on? How can I be and exist and live and make decisions if all this is a wavering dream? To the ego/mind, this is existential terror.
Lack of connection with Divine and ourselves in relation to and as That
If nothing is solid and forever, what do I hold on to? What is solid and trustworthy? The only answer I’ve experienced that gives me any sense of security is by connecting to (what I call,) the Divine Force that exists always, behind, through and between every thread and weave of life’s tapestry.
How do I play this game and engage in this mystery?
It comes or I meet it
in slowing down and quiet
which leads to stillness
and the present moment.
It is all encompassing and simultaneously
the universe within.
It is the All that gives me a feeling of exaltation,
where I’d love to stay forever.
But then, something disturbs the Union.
A bug tickles my face and I raise my hand to erase the sensation
I realize I’m thirsty
My dog is pawing my leg for attention
I remember a project I committed to
I am forced to come back – to life, my worries about the unknown and its scariness.
I take a deep breath and pray for accompaniment and a sense of safety.
And I begin the descent down from the mountain.
Years ago I concluded that although ethereal union was easy and what I loved best, I am in a physical body on a physical planet – and this must be for a reason. So I decided, consciously, to seek the spiritual through the physical. It’s not easy, and existing does still scare me – though with less frequency and intensity than previously.
What has led to my greater ease with being?
Choosing to create and design my life to create space and a container of exploration, experimentation, growth and healing affords me the time and capacity to pay attention to and develop those aspects of myself and living that I value most.
I am thus a wealthy woman. I am also strong – for to walk in my own current when those around me may not understand or criticize – is no weak thing. I am fortunate that I have such a strong and dedicated sense of what matters in life and to me. I have also been gifted with much strife, trauma and crossed wires – all the better to understand and help others.
I walk up the road to my house. Hand reaches into pocket feeling for the keys, tempted to grab, preparing to open the gate. Premature. Daring to assume I’ll get there, that that simple moment of opportunity, to open my gate, will occur.
I stop my hand’s grasping, remembering that anything can happen between now and the next 50 meters.I release the key, recommitting to my self-promise made after the earthquake of 2017. “Assume nothing.”
The last 50 meters are therefore more conscious. This sky. These mountains. Those rocks, these feet.
Step by step. Anything can happen.
Not walking in terror or expectation of crisis, nevertheless knowing anything can happen. Walking, therefore, humbly and soberly, choosing present moment attention and appreciation.
9/18/2020 05:29:11 am
Oh Robin, I have read this again this morning needing to hear your wise words. I am in fear, or should I more accurately say terror. Change, the season is changing here, the colors are beginning to show themselves in an array of beauty and I know that fall is on it's way. I am more aware of this change as I feel it stares me in the face what with all that is happening around me, and I see that I really have a difficult time with change. It shakes me to my core or at least it feels like that. I read your words about being in the moment and I know that is all that one has and yet I am here in wherever that is...surely not the moment. I'm not sleeping well...if I could look back I would say it began with this new seasonal change. I find that I wake up early as I usually do, I don't feel rested nor do I feel ready to greet the day. I go through the motions and feel like I'm lagging behind myself. Dragging my feet into fall. I'm not ready to let go of summer I say...but then it's out of my hands is it not. Fall will come ready or not. What is it that makes change so difficult I wonder. I don't really want to analyze myself, more I want to observe and more through to acceptance. I know that my connection to mystery, divine, is what holds me, now I need to breathe and let go. That is where the test is for me. Let go. I love you dear friend and wish that I was sitting at your table with you.
I hear your angst about some dark mystery that you don't know, but which seems to have you feeling threatened, a dark shadow looming out of sight yet at the periphery of your vision, haunting. Is it so, Trish?
9/19/2020 06:47:28 am
Oh you have it...over my shoulder this shadow rests...and yes, I am going to hold my back straight, as in tai chi, when I am told to find my center, and I know what is there. The leaning into, falling into, letting go to is Trust in the mystery. When I can do that I can breathe easier and rest myself. Thank you dear friend for your love and faith in me.
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Robin Rainbow Gate
I help people midlife and beyond to find their inner power, health and well being through slow, conscious living
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