It can be frustrating being around people who mirror issues we have and don't like about ourselves, let alone to admit! Just like with all addictions - as dealt with in the 12 step programs - each person has to hit their own bottom and realize it. Only then can and will they choose to make changes that better serve them and those around them.
For people in this situation I suggest that they keep doing and developing, making time for, the things that represent “stopping and smelling the roses” for them. You can do these things alone, with others, and even invite the person your thinking about in your question. The key and challenge of course, is fully owning just for yourself those activities and the joy and nourishment they bring you. That means, without attachment, need, manipulation to try to “make” (the same as “get” - both of which indicate force or control over) the other do the same for themselves.
Not easy, I know, but the only answer I feel is healthy and truly productive. By being yourself fully, which includes “smelling the roses,” you are living in a good way for you, with just that motivation. Paradoxically, you are then being a model for others to do the same.
This was demonstrated to me years ago.
When I graduated as a "non-traditional student" from the University with a degree in Integrated Strategic Communications (a model at the forefront of Marketing), and got my first job, I rode my bike to work. I also brought my own lunch in reused containers. Maybe this is more common now, but back then it was practically revolutionary and at the very least, "strange." I was simply living according to my values. I knew I was "different", but was comfortable with my lifestyle choices. One day, a colleague told me he was considering getting to work without his car. I asked him about that and he told me that he noticed how I did things and it was making an impression on him. I was surprised and delighted. I had been working alongside him for a year and didn't know the impact my simple actions were having. It was a powerful lesson.
The positive effect your honest choices have on others may not take hold immediately or ever - there is no guarantee. That said, you never know when you are planting a seed that is germinating under the soil. Just keep going, living your life to the fullest for you, and know that it is Good.
7/13/2018 06:45:49 am
Oh Robin I'm chuckling to myself as I read your latest post. I had just finished writing about this very issue in my life. Asking myself what made it so important for me to have someone I love make the choices I want for them when I know this is impossible. The only one I can truly focus on is my own life and by living in ways that take good care of me. I had to question my motivation for the other...am I really only wanting what would make their life better...of course by my standards, or is there something else lurking there that has to do with me. Not an easy question to answer honestly, and it was worth the soul searching...I have some work to do, and I loved opening your post and feeling like somehow you were speaking to me personally and directly. Thank you dear friend.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Trish. I'm glad that you felt personally spoken to and that this article supports you in your journey. I honor you truly, for your personal explorations of issues like these, and your willingness to take ownership for the messy bits, with intention for healthiness at all levels. Love.
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Robin Rainbow Gate
I help people midlife and beyond to find their inner power, health and well being through slow, conscious living
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