I think everyone is different, so I don’t feel I can generalize that one can or cannot live an unstructured life and be successful.
That said, I can speak from my experience:
First, know that Freedom is a primary value of mine.
I so appreciate the freedom I have in my life to live where and how I want to.
Sometimes I marvel at the freedom and goodness I am blessed with:
I mentioned Freedom because to my mind, to be Free means I can flow as I like, do what I want when I like, have no plans, just BE. Implicit in this desire, which comes occasionally, is living without structure.
Living without Structure
I have realized, repeatedly, first-hand, however, that following that desire does not serve me well.
When I allow myself to simply flow without any structure, I find I soon feel depressed, or at least less happy.
Time and life extends too far out in front of me and I feel groundless.
Groundlessness is uncomfortable for me, and ultimately leads to dissatisfaction with myself, my life, my day - rather than feeling the satisfaction and connection with “who I really am” and the “universe” if I were to flow without any structure whatsoever.
It actually makes me feel weepy right now, just thinking of it.
So, as much as I understand and even crave structurelessness, it doesn’t really serve me and so I have learned to avoid that calling into the void.
Middle Way Solutions to Structurelessness
The recognition I have around my need for structure does not mean, on the other hand, that living in a completely structured manner is required for peace, satisfaction and “success.” (Defining success is another large and important topic.)
Depending on what I have going on in my life, structure can look differently.
If I have a work commitment the next day, there is a list of tasks I must accomplish before I get tired the night prior, in order to be successful with my chosen work and those I serve through it. In that case, structure is necessary on a practical and functional level.
Of course, the responsibilities I have created or taken on for myself if not respected and tended to with some structure, will lead to emotional and spiritual dissatisfaction or “failure” as well. In other words, structure is not just a practical and functional issue.
Flexibility within Structure
My days are usually filled with lists ranging from minimal (rarely,) to long (frequent) as I am a creative person with many interests and activities whose diversity I thrive on.
I have found that making a list for the day is key to my peace of mind, first of all.
If I’m in bed at night and suddenly remember or think of two things I need to remember to do the next day, I run downstairs and add it to my list, even at the risk of rising myself out of my sleepy state. Why? Because if I don’t write it down on the official list right then, my mind will be keep repeating the words all night long so that I don’t forget - thus guaranteeing a less than restful night.
My lists usually don’t have times on them, unless I have a time-related commitment, in which case I work the other items on the list around the scheduled one.
I don’t feel the need to put a time on each item. I trust myself to get them done, or do the best I can.
I like the flexibility this timelessness gives me. It allows me to tend to what feels either more urgent or more pleasant, or less stressful, or most stressful - as I feel moved.
Sometimes I push myself to finish the more scary task(s) first, to get them out of the way. What a relief that can be! Check it off my list and move on! Also, I often realize with this strategy that what I thought I couldn’t handle, was indeed not as big a deal as I thought. I was and am more capable than my fear was leading me to believe.
Other days, like today, I decide to ease gently into the list of tasks, and start with the more mindless ones. I still get it all done, but in a different order.
It all works and it’s all good.
Final Admission About Me and Structurelessness
Over fourteen years ago, I left my life in the States and moved to a rural traditional village in Mexico. It was a calling, literally, and a precious time of giving myself the gift of time and freedom. The kind of freedom with zero obligations to anyone or anything.
I lived this way for three years, until the money from the sale of my house ran out.
During this time, I learned the priceless value of following my heart, listening to myself, doing what I love, following my desires and that Flow I talked about at the beginning of this post.
The experience changed my life. Through it, I remedied or redeemed the fact of having lived so much of my life doing what I didn’t want to do. Something that, speaking of “success” made me feel specifically not successful as the human being I am.
I spent most of my adult life angry and non-forgiving of myself for my perceived wastage of time and my life.
As I say in my memoir, Calling Myself Home: Living Simply, Following Your Heart and What Happens When You Jump, “My daily worry was that I would miss my life. That I was missing my life.”
Moving to Mexico and doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted for those three years, showed me the value of that. It wasn’t for forever. It had it’s season. But I carry the learnings with me into my life where I am now and intentional living coach and teacher, helping others follow their dreams and hearts, so that they live their most fulfilling, satisfying and “successful” lives.
For me, at this stage of my life, structure with flexibility keeps me grounded and so much happier than pure free flow.
I still do what I want and follow my heart’s desires, but within a container that holds and carries me to a successful life as defined by and for myself.
10/2/2021 05:32:27 am
Oh what a perfect read for me this morning. As I approach my 80th birthday I look at my life and take stock of where I have been and where I am heading now. How do I wish to be in these last years however many I may have? I take count of how I am living/being and as you say living a life of freedom. I notice there is a freedom to accepting that my life is coming to an end. I don't know how many more chapters I get to have. I look at what I value most, and set my priorities...in those is a structure, a container is more the word I like to use. A round container, one that I can turn when life hands me something unexpected. But a container none the less., and in that I have my freedom. thank you dear friend for your words of wisdom.
Trish, thank you for honoring us with your words and perspective.
10/17/2021 07:59:17 am
oh the container is a sphere, like a bubble little children blow...delicate yet there nonetheless. It moves freely with me...perhaps it's a feel of energy that I feel surrounding me. As I enter this time of my life, a time when one's body can begin to decline, knowing this and finding acceptance gives me an expansive space to live my life from.
10/18/2021 11:35:00 am
Trish, that is profound and I find myself without words, but with humility, gratitude and trust in what you share here with us. And deeply glad that you feel yourself surrounded by an energy. That is gives you a sense of acceptance and expanding freedom is - well, what could be better. What a blessing, and well-earned.
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Robin Rainbow Gate
I help people midlife and beyond to find their inner power, health and well being through slow, conscious living
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